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Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open jars all on your own.
Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained
When clicking through the channels you don’t have to stop
on every shot of someone crying.
You don’t have to hug or lug a bag of "necessary" items
with you everywhere you go.
You can go the bathroom alone.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of
You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."
You never have to clean the toilet.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can
still be your friend.
Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3.
None of your coworkers have the power to make you cry.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
You don’t have to curl up next to some big hairy guy
every night.
If you’re 34 and single, no one notices.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other’s feelings.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
You can whip you shirt off on a hot day.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Toilet paper does not need to be on the wall dispenser.
You can watch a game in silence for hours without your
buddy thinking "he must be mad."
One mood, all the time.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $2000.00, Tux rental $100 bucks.
You don’t care if someone is talking behind your back.
The toilet seat is cool in the up position.
You don’t pass on the desert and then mooch off someone
If you retain water, it is in a canteen.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit,
you might become lifelong friends.


John Bigenwald said...

Absolutely classic... now how do I excerpt this and give a link... There are too many good lines...

The Zoner said...

I just wish I knew who to give credit to. there was no source on the page I got it from.

I see you already posted some so your question must have been answered.

Thanks for the link...

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