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More than feruncles, cold soup, a stubbed toe, being broke or being stuck in traffic. More than those. I hate the Cardinals. Much more. We use the pejorative "Delicate Genius" to refer to La Russa. I even had some of my Cardinal taunts posted on the super-famous McSweeney's, giving me Cardinal-hating and literary cred all in one neat portion. He has a purrrrty mullet to go with that over-managing style of his.

It was rather funny or rather pathetic--your call, when he busted the fungo bat after being asked about what kind of reception McGwire would get at Busch that night. How dare ye scribes! I guess roids are cool with the DG. We ran our cheater out of town. I guess they will keep cheering theirs.

Speaking of McGwire, before and after games at Wrigley I like to go up to Cardinal fans, be they little kids or adults and inform them that "McGwire has retired. Buy your kid a new jersey." Once when a nearby Cardinal fan gasped, I noticed she was wearing a Matt Morris jersey. "Morris sucks", I told her. "You should get a new jersey too". He really did that year--double burn!

I hate the Cardinals. It brings me great joy that they got bussed out of postseason play once again. Last year swept in the series by Boston. This year bounced by the wild-card Astros. Both years they had the best record in baseball. Wow--did you just hear that loud sound? I think it was the Cardinals' window slamming shut!

I also liked this from the USA Today: "Moments after the Astros recorded the last out, the remainder of the sellout crowd of 52,438 erupted in a standing ovation and soon started chanting, "Let's go, Cardinals." Poor people can't get over a loss. Or just don't realize it. I hate the Cardinals.

"Half an hour after the game ended, several remained, chanting, "Thank you, Cardinals," getting extra animated every time a player came out to acknowledge them." I wish I could have been there for that. I especially like the "extra animated" part of the process. Grown men shrieking at the sight of a John Mabry or So Taguchi topping the dugout steps. Or maybe even a Jason Marquis. How rich. What stories--and memories they will have. If they were one of the fortunate fans to receive a high-five, here's guessing they will not wash that hand again.

I hate the Cardinals. Their fans think they are so great. And it's so misguided. They think they are great because of the Cardinals. As if through some sort of team/fan osmosis they become as great as Albert Pujols. Not how it works. So I remind them they are still from St. Louis. And they have to go back there. I also tell them to enjoy the traffic on 55 South. But I'm sure they have their Tim McGraw cassettes all set to rock out, unless maybe they rewinded too far on the ride in, which is no doubt comforting on a long trip. In Chicago, if we were to think we are great, it wouldn't be because of our teams (obviously). It would be because of Chicago. Unless, of course, the Sox were to pummel the Cards in the Series. Then it would be doubled. But the Cards choked again, so I won't be afforded that enjoyment.

I hate the Cardinals. Their players get all baked in our hotel rooms and die in their sleep. That's not cool. Hey man, we took the day off to watch the game! Why do you have to do that? You made new Marlins manager Joe Girardi cry! I don't know why, but Cards fans hate it when I say to them "Good game today--and hey, bonus--none of your players died."

Yeah I hate the Cardinals.


My Mouth said...

Everybody's fans think they're the best. Except for Philly, where they know they're the worst.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Don't hold back. "Their players get all baked in our hotel rooms and die in their sleep. "--LOL!

Well, you know where I stand on this as well, as I've been in the seat next to you for all your hilarious Cardinals bashing. And so over the last couple weeks I've had many occasion, when discussing the playoffs with people, to explain that I hate the Cardinals more than any team in any sport. Yes, more than the Packers.

Not being a Sox fan, the single most enjoyable moment of this postseason--now that they won't have the chance to beat the Cards theselves--will be the meltdown and loss of composure of the Delicate Genius and his squad when he got tossed along with his dissappearing center fielder, and then stupidly put the contact play on in Game 4 with 1st and 3rd no out, the tying run in the biggest game of the year on 3rd.

Perhaps they'll write a book about that one?


The Zoner said...

Yeah it's a bit over the top, but it's meant to be humorous. And also mostly true.

Awesome line about LaRussa.

Anonymous said...

You pathetic, complete, world-class loser. We don't think we're great because we root for such a historic, tradition-rich team. We think we're great because we don't go up to other fans and mock them over the tragic, untimely death of someone they root for. Seriously, dude, you give Cub fans a bad name. And that is REALLY saying something. Enjoy the Sox in the Series. It's as close as the Cubs will ever get. Can't wait until 2008, when all of America can celebrate 100 years since the Cubs' last world championship. 100 YEARS!!! Say it with me now -- 100 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!

The Zoner said...

Do you think Julian Tavarez got the remainder of Kile's weed?

Anonymous said...

You make me absolutely sick. A tastless Cubs fan who cant stand rooting for his team because of how bad they are and how bad their tradition is. I was disgruntled reading the blog, UNTIL i got to Darryl Kile. It then became more than just anger, it become hatred, you are a piece of shit for saying those comments, and I feel bad for you. Have fun rooting for the most pathetic team in baseball, while we enjoy rooting for one of the best teams of the history of america's greatest pastime. I cant even type anymore, because of how completely tasteless and rude that was. Unbelievable, how one person can be so disrespectful to an organization, city, family, and person in one summary. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS

Anonymous said...

You are a sick sick man to mock the death of Daryl Kile. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE.... PLEEEASE... come to st. louis. Please, if you do, let me know where you are and how I can find you. I'm not even kidding... I would love to take your face, and bash it through Wrigley Field's wall. Actually, ur car window. Ya... PLEASE come to St. Louis.

The Zoner said...

yes i am ridiculous. I am ridiculing the Cardinals and their fans and it's mostly in fun so take a pill.

Who is the loser? You tell me you "become hatred" over reading the post and I am a piece of sh__. Guess who else is ridiculous. And grow a set and leave your name scaredy cat. I left mine.

Maybe Steve Kline got Kile's weed.

The Zoner said...

Why would I want to go to St. Louis? I'm already married and I have no cousins there anyway.


If your a cubs fan dont act like you are a white sox fan. Chicago is a great city but dont make fun of st. louis. If anything you can make fun of houston. I would leave my name if I had a name, but im too lazy to register. All I am saying is, 1) dont diss on our city, 2) DONT EVER, EVER put down somebody who is dead, especially one that didnt do anything bad.

You are pathetic along with all cubs fans, and its funny how you make fun of the cardinals for being a good team. THE CUBS SUCK, DEAL WITH IT DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Zoner said...

Dude---like totally--to the most man. Reading is a skill. Work it, hone it. Kile had illegal drugs with him. He had a family. It's more than stupid to be doing illegal drugs considering he had children and he was a role model and his family had a history of heart problems.

I am a Cubs fan. I am a White Sox fan. Been going to both since the Cards had Bob Forsch toeing the bump. It will remain that way. So intolerant you Cards fans....=-)

Anonymous said...

your just upset becuase hwne was the last time you had somethign to be happy about!

Anonymous said...

Check your sources man. No drugs on Kile. He died of a heart attack. To mock him in death, even if he used, just shows that the well-earned reputation of Cubs fans as idiots is true, at least in your case.

Can a team's fans not show appreciation to their team for a great season? Oh, I forgot the Cubs haven't had the chance in a long time, you must have forgotten too.

Of course, the Cardinals choke in the playoffs, but when the Cubs lose to the Marlins in 2003, it's all Bartman's fault. They couldn't possibly be beat by a better or hotter team?

Anonymous said...

Hey buddy, at least the Cards can make the playoffs, and they don't blame their losses on goats and fans. That comment about Kile will no dobut land your sorry ass in hell. Besides over 80% of america smokes pot, and that was only drug found during the autopcy. (sp?)

Anonymous said...

Can I say something? The Cardinals are going on a very Cub like run of no championships themselves. This was St. Louis 23rd year without a championship.
In that time: The Red Sox AND White Sox have both won a world series, which hasn't been done since 1917 and 1918, respectively.
Since that time, 7(Minnestota, Kansas City, Atlanta, Toronto, Florida, Anaheim, Arizona) teams have won the title for the first time. 2 were expansion teams with a combined 9 years of experience at the time. 3 of those teams that won it for the first time(Florida, Minnesota, and Toronto), have repeated. Since 1982, the Cardinals have made the World Series 3 times, and have lost to two first time winners(Minnesota, Kansas City), and a team that hadn't won it in 86 years(Boston). The last time St. Louis made the world series, last season, they got swept. And it took everything they had just to beat Houston in '04 in the NLCS.

Also, Cardinal fans do not show any more class than any other team. Much less class in alot of areas, and the Cardinals are no more knowledgeable about the sport than any fan base. This "best fans in baseball" stuff is rubbish.

The Cardinals are not destined to win, well not the series anyway. Lately, they have been destined to have good regular seasons and then just disappear once playoff time comes around.

That is where Cardinals fans are worse than any other fans in baseball...YOU GUYS THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. Reality check bub, your not. And, obviously, the team aint either.


Anonymous said...

Cubs in 06, Cubs in 06! Sure, they have as much of a chance as Santo in a butt kicking contest.

The Zoner said...

(Trying not to laugh)

Anonymous said...

You can hate the cardinals and their fans, but the Kile comment is completely uncalled for.

i respect the cubs, and know a lot of their fans who happen to be great people and your views don't reflect the majority of the Cubs fans I have met.

you should check your heart before you spew garbage

The Zoner said...

"your views don't reflect the majority of the Cubs fans I have met." I never said they did.

And whoever wrote for me to check my sources on Kile, it's well documented he had weed with him and in him.

Yes his death was tragic. But yes he was dumb for doing illegal drugs.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for proving you are a moron

The Zoner said...

That kind sir, is an all too common occurrence.

But really, doing illegal drugs is awesome. He should be praised. Tragic death does not nullify stupidity. Go bow down to McGwire too. Bring some kleenex for his weepy eyes. Mr. Fifth Amendment--what a big girly man. Well, not so big anymore.

Anonymous said...

What's that smell? Oh, it's you, BURNING IN HELL. Do NOT speak ill of the dead.